The English language is a beautiful thing, Shakespeare is a G and I love learning new words and calling people rapscallions but after having a chat with a wonderful friend of mine recently we got on to the subject of how important the words we say to ourselves are and just how much influence they have on our every day mood.
Very rarely (unless you’re an arsehole) would you look at someone and judge them as harshly as we do ourselves. So why do we think it’s acceptable to look in the mirror and literally dissect every single thing about ourselves and tell our reflection how gross we think it is?! I do this constantly, it doesn’t matter if I’ve been given a compliment that day or if I’ve seen a flattering picture of myself I will still come home and tell my reflection how awful and disgusting I am! Why?! We are human beings, we are not built to be perfect, we have cellulite, we have stretch marks, we have wrinkles, grey hairs, acne, burns, scars, too small this and too big that and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it! I have never in my life looked at one of my friends or loved ones and thought to myself “Christ she needs a touch more liposuction on that area” etc.
Words have immense power, the words we say to ourselves as well as others. Positive self talk is actually a form of neuro linguistic programming- that’s how powerful it is!
Let’s think about all the negative bullshit we say to ourselves during the course of one day and how much it can affect our mood then think about how great you’d feel if you had someone whispering how great you are in your ear. It’s a very simple concept in truth but a lot harder to execute in day to day life. I’ve been trying to implicate positive self talk into my everyday life; I am very quick to compliment others and have no trouble telling strangers if I like their outfit or their hairstyle but I’ve found it difficult to adapt the same attitude for myself.
As usual I’ll give ya some tips that I’ve found useful when it comes to positive self talk and the impact it’s had on me.
1. I wrote a list of positive affirmations that I say to myself in the mirror ( I should do it every day but I don’t) and I didn’t focus them on physical attributes. For example, I am a good friend, my weight does not dictate my value as a person, I have the ability to make people laugh. I say them straight to my face and look myself in the eye and repeat them two or three times depending on how crappy I’m feeling.
2. Listen to the negative voice ( hear me out ) and actually take the time to write down the negative thoughts you have throughout the day and counteract each with a truth that is evidenced in your life. For example, “You will never achieve all the things you want to” I can counteract this with “In the last year I have taken great lengths to better myself as a human being and with that I have had the confidence to achieve small term goals.”
3. Focus on goal orientated affirmations and manifestation lists; this has been really useful for me. I write lists constantly cos I worry about everything but keeping a list of achievable goals and then having affirmations that reinforce your confidence in order to achieve said goals is incredibly advantageous. For example, “This year I will move out into my own place” may be a goal and a positive affirmation to help you on your way may be “I am capable of looking after my own well-being and being totally self sufficient.”
4. Delete certain words. Literally get rid of them from your vocabulary when it comes to talking about or to yourself. Phrases like ‘I can’t’ can easily be replaced with ‘I don’t’ and the connotations are much less defeatist.
5. Block and delete the people in your life that re-enforce any negative thoughts that you’ve been hanging on to. I’ve had to do this recently with old ‘friends’ after I realised I would come away from seeing them feeling so small and insignificant. People that like to put you down or think it’s funny are not your friends- get rid. Surround yourself with people that cherish you and big you up when ever they have the chance!
Good luck my little self-improvers and as always, I love hearing from you lot so drop me a DM on instagram, an email or a comment on here with any questions or requests for content you’d like to hear about.