I wish I had cancer,
I wish I had a heart attack,
I wish I had a stroke,
I wish I had an illness that had research charity shops on every high street,
I wish I had an illness that had marathons every month for awareness,
I wish I had an illness that didn’t make paramedics feel it’s appropriate to say “but you’re pretty, can’t you just get over it?”
I wish that I had an illness that gave me a physical indication of how unwell I am other than unwashed hair,
I wish I had an illness that didn’t make people give useless advise like “keep your chin up” on a regular basis,
I wish that I didn’t have to prove my illness to people that ‘don’t believe in mental issues’
I wish that I didn’t have an illness that ruins family relationships,
I wish I had an illness that let me see some way out other than death,
I wish that in order to get help I didn’t have to reach a place so dark I may never get out.
But mostly, I wish for it all to go away.
I have suffered from depression since I was fourteen years old.
I have had countless therapists, anti-depressants, yoga sessions, positive thinking hypnosis sessions and God knows what else.
It is still so hard to get help, so hard that just this week I had to call a crisis team that has ignored my calls for weeks to try and find some relief. So hard that this week when I was picked up in an ambulance the paramedics told me I looked ‘too normal’ to be ill and that ‘I was just a pretty girl.’
I want no part of this illness. It has stripped me of self-esteem, friendships, countless jobs and opportunities, romantic relationships, support from my family and the will to carry on.
I don’t want to be a self-indulgent depressed mess.
I want a life, I want a girlfriend, I want confidence, I want a job, I want to do something other than exist.
The hardest part of this illness is not everything I have listed above, it is knowing that no matter what I do, what therapy I take, what medication I am prescribed I will always, always live in fear of the next relapse.
I am tired of fighting.
I am tired of crying.
I am tired of begging for help.
I am tired.
Disclaimer* I am well aware of the suffering all cancer patients are going through, many of my family are currently suffering and have died of said illness. This article is in no way meant to demean or belittle that suffering. It is an article meant to shock and grab attention for mental health which is so desperately needed. We cannot continue to treat illnesses of the mind differently to illnesses of the physical body.
Having spoken to Faysal on an off for over a year we finally got together to shoot a few months back and I have since become very good friends with him. Faysal is still at university and has already become a force to be reckoned with. He has a distinct style that is mainly influenced by his own struggles with mental health which is a subject very close to home for me. His work is fearless and he strives to create an honesty which I really appreciate. Read More
Long time no see! I’ll catch you up, last month my gorgeous girlfriend and I were asked to shoot for Pimp my Pants new handmade lingerie collection so we said hell yeah and went off to Birmingham to shoot with my favourite photographer James Beddoes. Lounging around in some saucy underwear with your girlfriend is not the worst way to spend your day!
The work was published on sticks and stones agency; an emporium for rad shit so I’ll link everything down below but hey here’s some cheeky pictures!
Sometimes you have to just cover your hair in oil, take your clothes off and look strange!
Transform yourself daily, use yesterday’s failures as inpiration for today.
Life is hard and achieving your goals is even harder but we can’t give up. This was captured on a day when I was feeling awful and just wanted to lie in bed and feel sorry for myself but from pain we created some beautiful art. Keep pushing on little earthlings ☯️
Captured by Holly Meadows
MUA Laurel Woodward
Hair extensions Beautyworks
If you follow me on my various social media platforms beware; spamming of new images will happen!
On the 15th Feb I met up with my favorite team – Holly Meadows and Laurel Woodward for a crazy day of creative juice flowing!
Here are the images from our first set and as warned, there are many more to come!
I have free dates coming up for if you’re interested in shooting or are a designer wanting new product shots then get in touch via email or instagram and lets make some magic!
@Lucyjacksonmodel on Instagram
My hairpiece is Beautyworks
Styling by me
Photographer Holly Meadows
Mua Laurel Woodward
Find Holly and Laurel on instagram too
So on the 20th August I shot with the incredible Roger Charles, along with a hugely talented creative team. Roger is a world renowned fashion and beauty photographer and happens to be a good friend of mine so I was extra excited to work with him.
We shot in his studio down in Folkestone and worked with a crazy bondage type clothing theme. The shots will all be published so I cannot release the completed edits just yet but here are a few sneak peaks and BTS shots of our fun work together.
MUA: the oh so gorgeous Holly O’Connor
Hair: the incredible winner of BBC’s Hair Phil Hunt